


take my hand

by laireshi



Category: Marvel Ultimates
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-26
Updated: 2013-12-26
Packaged: 2018-01-06 04:02:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1102172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laireshi/pseuds/laireshi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thor notices that Tony is not exactly well after fighting Reed. How could he be, when Anthony's gone?</p>
            </blockquote>





	take my hand

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to nightwalker for beta-ing it :) 
> 
> Tony didn't get to mourn Anthony in canon. I had to fix it.
> 
> I don't think this fic warrants any warnings, but there are some unpleasant descriptions; nothing more graphic than what we got in the comics, though.

Tony's working on an alternative energy source for his armours as well as the Triskellion when a quiet sound informs him that another set of data has just finished computing. He's testing something on the other side of the room, so he thinks, _Anthony, could you_ – and stops.

There's no answer. There'll never be any answer again.

He hides his face in his hands, just for a moment. He has to work, he knows that, but … His head is quiet – never quiet, never quiet enough – again and he can't bear it.

Anthony's gone, has been gone ever since Richards stuck his fingers into Tony's brain, and nothing will change that.

Tony wonders if it was Reed who killed Anthony then, a collateral damage, or himself, when he made the Gems shatter.

He feels almost physically sick at the thought, which is of course the moment Thor chooses to go in.

“Tony?” He frowns. “You sure you should be up?

He gives him a smile that feels painful. “Yes, Thor, why shouldn't I?” He didn't tell Thor anything that happened in Reed's lab. He had told Fury, though, in that moment when he was just data, a computer program, and everything seemed far away.

“You don't look … well. You look sick.”

Tony makes a face. “Oh, stop with the compliments, darling.”

But Thor's getting closer to him, as if he wants to take a better look, and hasn't that man heard of personal space? To be fair, if he has, it wasn't from Tony, but the point is, he's reaching his hands, his fingers, towards Tony's head, and –

Tony jumps away instinctively, without thinking, because _Thor is almost touching his head_ , and the last person to do that … No, nope, Tony's not thinking about that, he's not, he's not – Reed's cutting his head open, and Anthony is long gone from his subconscious, and then Reed's sticking his finger in –

No one is touching him now.

He blinks slowly a few times, but that doesn't change. No one touches him, he's on the floor...

“Calm down, Tony,” Thor is saying probably not for the first time.

Fuck.

Thor’s standing on the other side of the room, very still, his hands at his sides and very clearly not reaching out to Tony in any way.

Tony stands up, tries to ignore how his legs wobble and in the end supports himself against a wall.

“Fuck,” he says eloquently. He's still shaking all over. He almost raises his hand to his forehead, to try and touch and feel the scars that should be there and aren't, because when he reanimated himself, he reanimated himself ideally, but aborts the movement halfway there. He takes in a deep breath, another.

“You don't have to pretend with me, Tony,” Thor says, and he's right, of course he's right, but to let himself stop pretending with Thor means stop pretending with himself, and he's so not ready for that.

“I know that,” he says anyway, because it's true, and he's tired of lying his whole life.

He doesn't need to lie to Antho–

He didn't need to lie to Anthony. Anthony is dead and in the past. He bends his head down.

Anthony is dead, and Tony was dead, and he has to learn to live with that.

“I'm worried about you, my friend,” Thor says, but he still stays at least a step away, and that's good. Tony's never had any problems with casual touch, but apparently Richards took even that from him.

Once his breathing is under control, Tony looks around again. His lab, of course. Two swivel chairs. Good enough.

“Let's sit down, big guy,” he says and unsteadily walks to the closer one. Thor doesn't try to help him. Good.

“Sorry I freaked out on you,” Tony says. Thor doesn't smile, just looks sad.

“You offered me your help, when I was powerless. You gave me strength then. Let me help you, friend.”

Tony looks away, and back to Thor. It's not as if Thor will tell anyone. It's not as if anyone else will care. And all of them need him, need his help in rebuilding the world.

“Reed Richards killed me,” Tony says finally and Thor stands up immediately.

“I'm going to –”

“Thor, sit down,” Tony says, tiredly. “Sit down and promise me, no more heroic declarations of vengeance. Though, nice, thanks. But I can't tell you that if you're gonna interrupt, darling.”

“You have my word, Tony,” Thor nods.

Tony pushes heels of his palms into his eyes for a moment. “Richards cut open my head and then proceeded to play around in my brain.” He wonders if he looks as pale as he feels. “He killed me like that. Just by switching off my oxygen centre and a few other organs. Well, he was effective.

“He also uploaded my brainwaves to his servers. Not the best option. That's how I was able to save you. A ghost in the machine, for real. Wonderful. And the rest, well, I got the Gems, used them to reactivate my body, and then to stop Richards. And they _shattered_. End of story.”

Thor nods slowly. “I still wish you'd let me kill him, but... Why did you mention the Gems shattering, Tony?”

Thor is too perceptive, Tony thinks and doesn’t know if he should be grateful for an excuse to say what he’s afraid of.

“Because that might have been the moment I killed Anthony,” he says and hides his face in his hands. “He's gone. He's been gone while Reed had me on his lab table. He's been gone when I had all the Gems. But maybe … maybe I killed him then?”

He'll never know for sure. He knows he will only ever know that Anthony is dead, and his head is his own again, and he hates it more than anything, and if there were still alcohol in this strange new world, he'd be halfway drunk to death.

Thor stands, and approaches Tony, and Tony tries not to panic – this is Thor, idiot, stay calm, but Thor stops a step away and doesn't raise his hands. He just looks at Tony and there's sadness in his eyes.

“You’ve just lost a child. He might have been a brain tumour or an Infinity Gem; but you’ve just lost a child. We've all seen how much he mattered to you.”

Anthony liked Thor, Tony thinks suddenly.

“You are allowed to grieve over him.”

Tony shakes himself, stands up, waves a hand in the direction of the street, behind a few layers of windows and security measures.

“I'm really not, Thor. Have you seen the state the world is in? I need to help them. They need my help.”

It isn't even running from problems, because out there, on the streets, problems are even bigger, and people need either Iron Man in heavy lifting or Tony Stark's mind in designing.

He can't take breaks.

“Do you trust me?” Thor asks suddenly.

“Always,” Tony replies. It's maybe the only thing he doesn't doubt now.

Thor moves towards him. Tony wills himself not to flinch, and then Thor's arms are around him, and yeah, okay, Thor's hugging him. Tony's used to his embraces, if in slightly different circumstances, but this, this is nice too, so he allows himself to hug Thor back and lean on his strength.

“We've all been through a lot, Tony,” Thor whispers into his ear. “You're allowed to mourn.”

Tony doubts it, but is grateful all the same and doesn't let Thor go for the longest time.


End file.
